What a Wild and Crazy Ride

Day 3 of my vacation is underway, and I am watching the rain covered forest outside the window. This seems like a great time to give a detailed account of the crazy trip across the ocean. The plan was to leave Oklahoma City at 1130 Monday morning, and arrive in Nuernberg at 1045 local time. But reality has a way to mess with your best plans.

Oklahoma City to Minneapolis - St. Paul



I arrived at the airport with plenty of time to spare. Got checked in, picked up (almost) all my boarding passes, and started the waiting game. I spend some more time with Mrs. D-USA since we will be apart for 2 weeks, and waited on my mom who was coming up to visit and wish me a good trip. We finally parted our ways, and off through security I go. No problems with security, my big bag of electronics did not arouse any suspicion, and I make it to my gate. 10 minutes into my trip, and everything is going great!

Then we started to wait on our plane, great. In the end I leave the airport with only a 45 minute delay. The trip itself was fairly uneventful, no turbulence, and a smooth landing. I try to plan ahead for delays and leave myself plenty of time to connect. I was scheduled for a two hour layover, so even with the late start in Oklahoma City I still had an hour to make it to the other side of the airport. Enough time to grab a quick snack, visit the Larry Craig Bathroom, and make it to my gate.

Minneapolis - St. Paul to Amsterdam

Now it was time to sit at the gate and wait for our on-time departure......

About 45 minutes before we were supposed to leave there was the first announcement: "We are waiting on a plane, we don't know where it is." Hurray for Delta \o/. But I guess it is better to loose a plane when there are no people on it.

With about 30 minutes to go we have the second announcement: "The plane is here. Now we are waiting on a crew to fly the plane." Great.

With about 15 minutes to go before our "scheduled" departure, we are finally allowed to board the plane. I get in line, make it through the gate, and while I walk towards the jetway I get to watch Security Theater in action. Being a member of the Pirate Party I have long held the belief that Security Theater is a waste of time and money, and watching this show was no different. The "random" secondary screening had pulled 3 people aside so far, all very middle eastern looking. I am sure there was no profiling there *rolling my eyes*. As I walk past the security guys and towards the plane somebody started to yell: "You.....hey you, stop......YOU IN THE ORANGE!!!". Well crap, I was wearing an orange shirt. I don't know if I was chosen randomly, because of my disapproving look towards "security theater", or because of my awesome beard (which after a survey of friends and family qualifies as a "terrorist beard" by a tally of 4 to 2).

My secondary screening only reinforced my belief that the "new and improved post 9/11-shoe bomber-underwear bomber-tactics" are a bunch of crap. I receive a pat-down, because flying on an airplane qualifies as probable cause that a crime is being committed. And to top it off the pat-down only covered my arms and my side, nobody checked my legs or my crotch. No offense, but if we are using the underwear bomber as an excuse to treat everyone like a criminal, then maybe you should check the area where bombs are hiding. I'm not advocating that the TSO should grab my junk, but it is very clear that this screening would not catch anything. My carry-on bag is being searched as well, and the TSO quickly discovers my hidden bottle of liquid that I forgot about. They look at the bottle, stick it back in my barely searched bag, and send me on my way. So the result of my screening is this: Nobody checked my crotch, so the condoms filled with deadly explosives in my waistband are save, and they allowed my bottle of acid onto the plane with me. After "increased security" I would have had the exact same ingredients as the underwear bomber on the plane with me. But everybody else is watching the TSA search the "foreign looking people", so they feel safe because the Government is doing something.

After being harassed for my own protection, I make it on the plane and take my seat. 15 minutes after our scheduled departure, but still on the ground at the gate, we get the next announcement: "This is the pilot speaking. The volcano in Iceland has become active again and the airspace above Ireland and England has been shut down. We need to file a new flight plan that bypasses the affected area and get it approved. I am sorry for the delay." Time to get comfortable.

In the end we finally take off with only a 1 hour delay, and we are on our way to Amsterdam. I am able to get some good sleep on the plane and by the time I wake up we are flying over France, about 30-45 minutes away from Amsterdam. The detour in the sky added an extra hour to our flight, and we arrive in Amsterdam with a 2 hour delay. I had a 3 hour scheduled layover, so I hightail it through passport control, security (where I am searched again), and run across Amsterdam airport to try to get my boarding pass. KLM tells me that according to Delta I am supposed to be on the afternoon flight instead of the morning flight. I present my luggage tag as proof that I am supposed to be on the early flight, if my luggage is on the early flight it would seem that I am supposed to fly with my luggage. By the time they allow me to get a boarding pass for the early flight it is to late, and I get to watch my plane push away form the gate.

Another passenger on the same flights as me received 50 euros and meal vouchers since we now have a 7 hour layover to sit through. But since I am not officially delayed "because Delta had you on the late flight anyway" I don't get anything. Thanks Delta \o/.

If I am stuck in Amsterdam for 7 hours anyway, I sure as heck was not going to spend it at the airport in an uncomfortable plastic chair eating over-priced airport food. So I put my carry-on pack in a locker, and hop onto the train to downtown Amsterdam. I spend about 3 hours walking around the city center. The red-light district is very well advertised, but I decided to just walk without much of a plan and head towards the Anne Frank House. Without a map I didn't quite make it there, but I got to watch a great city along the way. I wouldn't be surprised if walking down the street could result in a positive drug screen, but I am sure I had a 500% increase in my lifetime exposure to cannabis. And that is without ever stepping into a coffee shop. In the end the 10 euro a person is a great price to spend in order to get out of the airport if anybody has 3 hours or more to spend at the airport. I would count on a 1 hour travel time both ways between Airport-Downtown. I head back to the airport, go through security again without being pulled aside \o/, and head towards my gate.

Amsterdam-Nuernberg

At the gate we sit and look at our plane. 10 minutes after boarding was supposed to start we get another announcement: "We are waiting on the people to clean the plane."

10 minutes later we board, take our seats, and get the next announcement: "We are waiting on fuel".

After a 1 hour delay we are finally on our way home and I get to Nuernberg "only" 8.5 hours too late. My uncle has already been here twice since he came to pick me up from the earlier flight before I could reach my brother to relay the new plans to him. The volcano is still causing problems, so we will see if it quits in time to go home.